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| Do you think it's beautiful the way the body heals itself in silence, on a mission to keep your soul in a good home? Do you think it's beautiful how there are some people you will never let go of, no matter where they go? Do you think it's beautiful how strangers on the Internet can become your best friends? I think it's beautiful that I could call him right now and tell him everything and in the end he would still love me. I think it's beautiful that my sisters did end up being some of my best friends. I think it's beautiful that I can forgive my mom for anything she could do wrong because of what she's done for me and how. I think it's beautiful that after seven years I can tell him to talk to me and he will. He will. Do you think it's beautiful that when you watch television you are laughing at the same moment as so many other people? | | |
| I like those characters in the movies whose lives are sterile and neat.
They're the uptight girls who can't have a boyfriend
because they're too busy with their career.
They have a pale, eerily clean apartment
and wear expensive cardigans.
They eat well and their faces are always clear
and they do everything in the right order. I wear cardigans and my apartment looks like a hotel too,
but I am dying as brightly as the stars we can see. I admire those characters in the movies.
They have all my problems but none of my symptoms.
Their issues only make them successful
while mine are chains that I hobble in. Now I use phrases like "self-destructive" and
"avoidant personality" when I think about myself
and I smile brightly when people who see me every day
comment on how constantly cheerful I am. I've read that a supernova can outshine an entire galaxy,
but soon all that's left is its dust. ("You know supernovas don't always die, right?"
"Well, I wrote it and then I looked up the facts, so. But yes. And I guess that's hopeful.") | | |
| I spent my evening at Lori and Kristina's apartment with the Rosses, watching the (tragic) Mavs game and eating. They put me in charge of wrapping Megan's present and making tea, apparently not consulting my skill set beforehand. While not great at anything in the kitchen, or gift presentation, I am extremely gifted at eating cheese dips and keeping up a hilarious commentary during sports games. It's nice to have friends who are more like family. I spent my afternoon doing even more shopping and hot-beverage-drinking with my momma and Somer. I got an adorable grey coat for a steal at a thrift store, and it has absolutely no signs of wear. I wore my blazer and my sister's oxford heels all day and verbally formulated my style as this: I want to dress every day as if Jay-Z and Beyonce had invited me with them to courtside seats to see the Knicks. Feel free to borrow it. It's pithy and reliable and has gotten me through a whole day with swagger. Well, Xanga, it feels so right to be typing at you at my parents' home on Christmas break. It feels so right to be talking to you about old friends and boring personal revelations. Reunited... Honestly, there are few things I find as hilarious and adorable as other people complaining about the bad side of my more anti-social friends who I somehow find wonderful and sweet. One side of what Mo referred to as my superpower. | | |
| My Christmas haul included the Hunger Games series, Saved By The Bell seasons 1 & 2, How I Met Your Mother season 3, Mindy Kaling's book, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Princess Bride (book and movie) and several other awesome things. It was a media-heavy Christmas. My cousin got me a sweater that matches a sweater she has. We are very cool. Since Christmas, my life has been full of shopping the sales with my mother, some of my four sisters and my cousin until even I was sick of it. Vacation is the little things, like not having to pay for groceries, and getting to cuddle with Clem, our giant orange cat (see below).
 I'm making simplistic New Year's resolutions and taking long walks with Somer where we talk about the big things and now we're watching The Odd Couple and drinking spiked peppermint tea. Living on the edge. I'm having a dramatically large and painful holiday zit appear on my cheek, so that's lovely. Anyhow, I clearly have nothing interesting to say but I thought I'd pop by and say Hi to Xanga and maybe post a bit while I'm home for old times' sake. Tell me some of your New Year's resolutions so I might be able to improve on my list. | | |
| I promise I will take control of the simple things, the things I should have done all along. I will clean my shower and eat fruits and vegetables and get 8-10 hours of sleep at night--no more, no less. I will take the little, important things and stack them up until they make a complete life, with no wasted space to spend on the pound occasionally gained or lost, or the way people talk when I walk away. I will balance my checkbook, do my homework, and put conditioner in my hair. I won't waste any more time feeling sorry for myself this year. There are problems with myself that I will try to fix, and get the help I need to fix them. I will give myself time to become better, and not break trying to become perfect overnight. I promise I will realize my limitations. I'll start running, realizing I won't run a marathon anytime soon, but waiting to feel energized and stronger, waiting to see the soft extra melt away into strength. I'll learn to take that mentality into my spiritual battles. I will continue to learn to be alone. I will become good at it. I will take the harsh edge out of my jokes. I will be someone who I would admire and respect. I'll stop waiting until I run out of clean underwear to do laundry. I'll stop eating popcorn in bed. I promise I will grow up right, secure in my hope and my future. I will not stop wearing pajamas every single moment I'm home alone. | | |
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